This is the post excerpt.
For nearly a year, this blog has been open, and stagnant. much like myself. I started this in hopes to chronical the sparks in my life that have lead me to this day. Musings or perhaps insights that might help others. What I am thinking however, is it is most likely going to help me. Understand Me. Impossible. Maybe, maybe not. So … in any case, here we go……Lets watch the sparks fly!
Well, there it goes. another year. how does this happen? one day marches into the next, stringing along the weeks, piling into months. suddenly, time is lost. Memories missed.
Its easy to become stagnant isn’t it. stuck and lost in the time. regretful and sour….which spins its own terrible web of murky muck that continues the circle of time….much like water down a drain….never to be recaptured…lost.
Never did I intend for things to spin in such a way. being a damaged human seems to have its own intentions. The brain, at least mine anyway, seems to have a mind all its own….(is that actually a thing?)I have what I call circle conversations with myself. if this, then that, what if that, becomes this? I have also come to realize that I am a rather difficult negative person. I don’t like that about myself. I am angry most of the time. Perhaps being aware of that will have a positive influence on my negativity. I really always thought I was a positive person, always looking for the bright spot in the horribleness of the moments….and… that’s just it. Moments are just moments. they are not horrible or perfect. I think if we can truly be in the moment as all the self help gurus tell us to be, nothing is actually “horrible”. Its the reaction we have that is.
So I have begun to try and find the moment, and let it just be a moment. As I said to one of my daughters just this morning, Its either an obstacle, or an opportunity. your reaction is the guide.
JayJay Sparks 